The Day I told myself “TO GIVE UP ON MY ANGER ISSUES” An Entry from My Personal Dairy.
At 25, I found myself in a place I never thought i’d be feeling completely disconnected from the friends i’d grown up with. These were the people who knew me best, who had been with me through the awkward school years, first crushes, and endless inside jokes. But now, it seemed like they were strangers.
It wasn’t like i hadn’t tried. I’d gone out of my way to keep the group together – planning meet-ups, sending funny memes in the group chat, and even trying to organize a reunion trip. But every time I thought things were getting back on track, my anger would flare up. Something small would set me off, and before I knew it, i was snapping at one of them.
My anger was his biggest flaw. I knew it, and so did my friends too. They used to brush it off, understanding that I didn’t mean half the things i said when I was angry. But as they all got older, their patience started wearing thin. They had their own lives, their own issues, and they didn’t want to deal with my temper anymore.
It all came to a head after one too many blow-ups. My friends started ghosting me – not in a harsh, dramatic way, but in that slow, fading way that’s almost worse. Messages were left on read, plans were “forgotten,” and I found myself on the outside looking in.
I tried to make things right, sending out apologies and asking for another chance. But it was like trying to hold onto sand; the harder i tried, the faster it slipped through my fingers. Eventually, I had to face the truth: i was losing them, and there was nothing I could do about it.
One night, after staring at the “seen” notification on my last message, i made a decision tha I never thought i’d make – I gave up. Not on life or on myself, but on the idea that I could fix everything with my friends. I realized that maybe, just maybe, it was time to let go.
It wasn’t easy. These were the people who had shaped so much of who I was. But holding on was only making me feel worse. So, i started focusing on myself. I took a hard look at my anger, where it was coming from, and how I could control it. I went to therapy, started journaling, and learned to take a breath before reacting.
As time passed, i felt a strange sense of peace. Sure, i missed my old friends, but I also knew that losing them had forced me to confront a part of myself i’d been ignoring for too long. I started meeting new people – some who shared his interests, others who challenged me in healthy ways. These new friendships weren’t replacements; they were different, built on who I was becoming, not who I used to be.
And while there was always a part of me that hoped his old friends might come back into my life someday, I knew i was finally in a place where I could let things be. I wasn’t just the angry guy from high school anymore. I was Sunil Dom, but trying, and finally okay with moving forward.